May 2, 2025 I’m going to start in the middle. I am mid-way through my treatment for lymphoma. It’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep, probably because of the steroids the doctor ordered to blunt the effect of the immune therapy they are infusing into my veins. In mid-March, on the 5th anniversary of COVID being declared a global pandemic, I learned I had splenic marginal zone lymphoma, a relatively rare Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. That was preceded by several agonizing months of diagnostic tests where it became more and more clear with each passing portal result that something was seriously wrong. Still, it was a shock. This kind of lymphoma is called ‘indolent.’ a word I have grown to love because it makes it sound like a cancer that is habitually lazy and lacks ambition. Of course, it’s the second definition, the ‘slow to develop’ that is meant, but I am intrigued by anything that is ‘averse to activity, effort or movement, or showing an inclination to laziness,’ in these times of toxic productivity when so much activity would be best left undone. Unfortunately, it does eventually get moving, and starts to invade the bone marrow and the spleen, and circulate in the blood. I hate writing those words. It is painful to think of it that way, so mostly I don’t. I am acutely aware that my crisis is on a parallel track and weirdly coincides with the crisis of our body politic. They share similarities. Both are spiritual and corporeal crises that threaten a deeply held sense of self. The both upend everything– and threaten visions of the future. They feel limiting in the sense of closing off options, and narrowing possibilities. They offer a clear line between before and after. They feel like they represent a public failure. They can be deadly. They rely on luck and a fight to avoid the worst. There are many ways in which they are not similar. The threats to the foundation of our society, and to our obligations to each other- the things that hold us together as a country and a culture – come from a destructive and evil force. They hold no creative energy, and try to crowd out love and empathy. They have the wrong diagnosis for the sickness, and they are offering the wrong treatment. This is the root of their pathology. They are intentionally harming themselves, while telling fanciful stories that twist the pain and discomfort of the listeners into prescriptions that only add harm.